I will have pictures in a couple of weeks!!

So excited!

In DeVito’s (2009) book, The Interpersonal Communication Book, it defines impression management as, the process that we go through to communicate the impression we want others to have of us (p.71).  The textbook also describes seven strategies used to achieve a desired impression; I, however, find that I use four of these strategies on a regular bases.  (1) To Be Liked: Immediacy and Affinity-Seeking Strategies, (2) To Be Believed: Credibility Strategies, (3) To Hide Faults: Self-Monitoring Strategies, and (4) To Be Followed: Influencing Strategies (p.72-74).

My purpose for implementing these four strategies has to do with my self-image and how I viewed certain characteristics as a weakness. I have always viewed my self as, reserved, quiet, cautious, independent, reliable, ambitious, courteous, trusting, worried and vulnerable.  However, some of these characteristics would make it easy for other to take advantage of me or to shy away from getting to know me and working with me.  My goal, when applying the previously mentioned strategies is to manage the impressions I give to others; with the intent of “mastering the art of impression management to enable [me] to present [myself] as [I] want others to see [me]” (DeVito, p.72).

To Be Liked: Immediacy and Affinity-Seeking Strategies.  This strategy focuses on using techniques that are known as affinity-seeking strategies; for example, being helpful, showing respect, helping someone feel more positive about themselves, or you can show interest by listing and engaging in self-disclosure.  It is important for me to be liked any time I am in a new situation.  No matter what situation, I must strive to present myself in a way that will gain instant satisfaction from those around me.  For example, about three months ago I moved into a new area, which meant I would have to attend a different branch of my church.  Upon my first visit, it became very clear to me that there were several self-employed and very successful individuals in this new congregation.  To be liked, I tried an affinity-seeking strategy by trying to present myself as socially equal.  I am self-employed, but I have not reached the level of success that many of those I was now surrounded by had.  Therefore, I felt that to be liked I needed to appear to be at the same level of financial success as they were.

To Be Believed: Credibility Strategies.  In this strategy one “…seeks to establish [their] competence, [their] character, and [their] charisma” (DeVito, p.73).  For me, having credibility is so important.  As a business development consultant I need my clients to view me as credible.  It is important that clients view me as educated, knowledgeable, and confident in my abilities; they need to know that I can get the job done and that what I tell them is not only important but truth.  It is true that I have had to fake it a time or two.  And as my experience increases and the industry changes I have learned that “…manipulat[ing] the image you project isn’t about being phony or pretending to be something you’re not. It’s about making your audience receptive to the real you” (Lavington, 1997).  In order to be believed, it is best to be you.

To Hide Faults: Self-Monitoring Strategies is when you monitor the things you say and do, not necessarily for the purpose of presenting a positive image, but because you are more interested in suppressing the negative images (DeVito, p.74). Barrick (2009) in his article What you see may not be what you get said, “Identity is the substance people see and judge as they size you up to determine your status, power and potential. It’s the way others glean the essence of who you are by the way you present yourself, the things you say, the way you speak and how you behave”.  The first impression, we have four minutes to leave a lasting and valuable one; and in many cases I try to hide my faults.  I really work on the vocabulary I use and I try to sound knowledgeable by discussing topics I know well.  I have been told that I offer a lot of “happy talk”, or in other words I say more then I need to in order to make the listener feel as though I have done a good job of answering their question or solving their problem.

To Be Followed: Influencing Strategies; a technique used by those that want to be seen as a leader.  This can be done through different techniques, but the two used most often are power and position (DeVito, p.74).  When I worked in corporate America, it wasn’t enough for me to be just another employee; I needed to achieve a status of leadership.  I wanted to be seen as a leader through my “title” or by being better then my peers.  At times I am often driven to find and implement a new business practice that improves an older business model so that I can be seen as an innovator.  One reason for starting my own business was to accomplish this impression of a higher status.  Having employees and clients that look to me for direction and insight.  I try hard to lead my industry in new ideas and insights in every day business practices.  I also use this in my home with my wife and daughter.  I am the head of the household and expect them to follow me when I act in righteousness.

There’s an old saying that a salesman is never selling a product, he’s selling himself.  I believe that we are always selling ourselves.  Relationships are formed on impressions and sometimes those impressions are formulated to achieve a specific goal or outcome.  For example, on a first date both parties are typically trying to control the image the other person sees.  First dates are explorative and generally impersonal, there is little disclosure and most of the time is spent evaluating each other.  Each person has his or her own objective and goal they want to accomplish; and that is what they will be trying to sell the other person on.  To the extent that they understand impression management, is what will enable them to succeed at their goals.

I previously mentioned that I use the above discussed impression management strategies to cover, or manipulate my low self-esteem.  Simply stated by DeVito (2009), “self-esteem is a measure of how valuable you think you are” (p.58).  You can have high self-esteem and think highly of yourself or low self-esteem which will cause you to think negatively about yourself.  Your self-esteem can even have variations when it comes to certain topics.  For example, I have recently watched as my self-esteem dramatically increased in the area of academics.   From my passed experience in high school and one attempt at a semester of college, I had a self-image that portrayed a poor student.  Every time I tried to perform well I defeated myself with a low self-esteem, I told myself that I was a poor student and that structured education was not for me.  When I started this most recent semester of college, I still held my academic value as very low and completely expected to do poorly.  However, throughout the semester I have repeatedly shocked myself with exceptional grades in all of my courses.  The result of which has lifted my self-esteem to all new heights.  Huitt (2009) clams, “…increasing self-esteem results when success is improved relative to expectations”.  Now I expect to do go, now my academic value has risen to a new level and anything less would be unacceptable.

DeVito’s (2009) text provides five suggestions for improving self-esteem (p. 59-61) and there are three that I have had success using to increase my self-esteem.  (1) Seek out nourishing people, (2) work on projects that will result in success, and (3) secure affirmation.

I want to point out why it is so important to evaluate your self-esteem and periodically make some improvements.  The truth is, no one will value you more then you!  If you place little value on your life, chances are that others will place the same amount of value on your life. Perera (2003) in his book Self-Esteem Secrets says, “self-esteem should matter because it can be the difference between success and failure, it affects your thinking (both positive and negative), it affects your confidence, and it affects your happiness” (p.5).

To seek out nourishing people is the concept of associating with people that are positive, optimistic, and uplifting (DeVito, p.60).  Someone once said, “we become the combined average of the five people we associate with the most” (unknown).  If we want to improve our self-esteem, and be affected in positive ways by friends, family, co-workers, and anyone else we must seek to associate with nourishing people.  Another aspect to this concept is the idea that associating with people we can identify with can also increase our self-esteem.  As an example, my brother in law and I have some of the same objectives in life, we both like many of the same things and we are able to discus different topics at an intelligent level.  This has greatly improved my self-esteem because I have always considered him very intelligent and I find it very rewarding when he comes to me for consultations or to bounce ideas around.  It shows that he values my insight and opinions it makes them more valuable to me, which increases my self-worth.

When I started my business, I knew very little about website design and coding.  I experienced many failures and frustrations.  I took on projects I knew I could not succeed at and slowly started to tell myself that I would never succeed.  My self-esteem dropped quickly and I would get so angry with myself.  What I needed to be focusing on were projects that I knew would result in success.  Finally when I was close to giving up, I realized that I needed to focus on doing projects that would highlight my strengths.  I started doing what I do best; I stopped taking the projects on myself and started outsourcing them to more qualified people.  I then focused on other things that I was good at, like consulting and writing.  Soon my success improved, my business grew and my self-esteem changed dramatically.

Securing affirmations has always been the most effective way of motivating me.  At work, school, and home affirmations go a long way for me.  Affirmations are “positive statements about yourself, statements asserting that something good or positive is true of you” (DeVito, p.60).  My wife is very good at motivating me through affirmations.  She will praise me for my successes and continually remind me of the great job I can do when I am struggling with a particular project.  Many of my favorite books are filled with positive stories and affirmations that motivate me to succeed.  A simple practice of mine is to take some of my favorite affirmations and repeat them to myself when I am discouraged and frustrated.  Other times I find positive reinforcement when I listen to one of these positive books on audio or read through my notes from a seminar I recently attended.  The emotions I had when I first heard or read the words are brought back and I feel good about myself, I feel great about who I am.

Throughout the study of interpersonal communication I have learned a great deal of information.  More importantly I have learned to better understand relationships.  I have become more familiar with myself, and the different concepts such as self-esteem and impression management that I use on a daily bases.  This study has enabled me to improve the relationships I have with my wife, children, clients, and friends.  I thought that I had it all figured out, I thought that I knew how to develop great relationships and I even thought that I understood myself, but in reality I was missing so many essential pieces to the puzzle.  My eyes have been opened, my wife has gotten to say her favorite words, “I told you so”, and I am starting to better understand the delicate nature of effective relationship skills and how crucial they are to our lives.  Steven Covey said, “Life is about creating great relationships” and it is all making more sense to me now.

References

Barrick, Murray R., Sandra W. DeGrassi, and Jonathan A. Shaffer. “What you see may not be what you get: relationships among self-presentation tactics and ratings of interview and job performance.” Journal of Applied Psychology 94.6 (2009): 1394+. Academic OneFile. Web. 1 May 2010.

DeVito, Joseph A. (2009).  The Interpersonal Communication Book.  Boston:  Allyn & Bacon.

Huitt, W. (2009). Self-concept and self-esteem. Educational Psychology Interactive. Valdosta, GA: Valdosta State University. Retrieved 30 Apr. 2010, from http://www.edpsycinteractive.org/topics/regsys/self.html

LAVINGTON, CAMILLE, and STEPHANIE LOSEE. “Manipulate Your Image To Sell The Real You.” Management Review 86.6 (1997): 46. Academic OneFile. Web. 30 Apr. 2010.

Perera, Karl. (2003).  Self-Esteem Secrets.  Turkey: Self-Published.

Wearing a mask is something I generally associate with other cultures.  However, I often wear different masks to shield myself from the unknown, and to prevent anyone form seeing the me I think I am.  I am reserved, quiet, cautious, independent, reliable ambitious, courteous, trusting, worried and vulnerable.  I do not consider myself as being sociable, talkative, careless, rude, self-satisfied, confident, attractive, fulfilled or accomplished.  I try hard to portray to clients and others that I associate with a level of confidence that I don’t really have.  In class for example, I feel like I wear a mask to cover my insecurities, and I do this by participating in the discussion which translates into a display confidence.  When I make a comment, in the back of my mind I am concerned with how other people are judging me and if I am making an impression.  I am very aware of the teacher and how he/she is receiving my comments.  If I feel that the comment is not received well, I start to worry and stumble over my words hoping to say something of value.

A huge part of my culture that has had a profound impact on who I think I am is my religious beliefs.  Being raised in a family that was rooted in the LDS faith I was taught many things that impacted who I am in ways I did not know at the time.  Today, every decision I make, and the self-concept I have is based on one simple belief that I was taught from birth; I am a child of God.  Even at a time in my life when I was verbally abused by adolescent peers because picking on the “fat kid” was easy, it was this simple understanding of knowing who I was that got me through.  To this day I still think of myself as the “fat kid”, an unpopular outcast, which I believe affects my confidence.

My relationships are generally good.  Which is a horrible thing!  This life is all about developing relationships and connecting with people on so many different levels, therefore our relationships should be excellent.  I am not elegant, I don’t have the right answers and sometimes I don’t know how to talk to my wife.  I was trying so hard to be excluded from the male generalization of being poor communicators; unfortunately I am not as good at communicating, as I would like to be.  I am reserved, and introvert, I keep things inside and try to figure them out on my own.  My relationships suffer because of my inability to communicate my feelings and emotions.  I find it more complicated to talk to people that are closest to me than I do when presenting to a group of people or talking with a client.

Failure is my biggest fear!  Family, religion, business, friendships and school all have a bearing on my overall level of success.  Failing in any of these aspects on any level is unacceptable.  And although I think I do a good job of presenting success, I don’t view my self as a very successful person.  As I apply more thought to this I am reminded of how I was raised.  My dad seemed like a perfectionist when I was a kid.  Things had to be done his way and they needed to be done the right way or it was not good enough.  I am sure that I have acquired this attribute of perfection in all the things I do.  It’s because of the fact that I demand too much from myself that I have this perception of being unsuccessful.

Who I think I am, is not who I want to be!  I realize that I have the power and ability to change my self-concept, and so with this unavailing of my self-perception I need to make some changes.  It’s somewhat depressing to make this observation of my self-concept.  I could have written all about the masks that I wear and pretend to actually see myself as the person I want others to see.  However, in reality, even when I try to see myself as others see me I feel fake, I know that I am deceiving myself, I don’t feel it, its not really me!

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• 79% of unwanted pornography exposure occurs at home
• 64% of teens say they do things online that they don’t want their parents to know about

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Self-concept is developed out of four main senses; other’s images, social comparisons, cultural teachings, and self-evaluation.  We value the opinion of those closes to us, looking to see how they treat us and react to us.  We have a need to compare ourselves to others to establish our self-concept.  Our individual cultures teach us about what is acceptable and what is considered successful.  We judge ourselves based on our own behavior, which we then interpret (DeVito, 2009).  As we use these four concepts, which include many outside sources, we begin to form our own self-concept and we begin to determine our own self-worth.  What is interesting about Paikea and the development of her self-concept, is her ability to overcome the negative perceptions some had and to overcome her cultural traditions.  Franken (1994) author of Human Communication said, “there is a great deal of research which shows that the self-concept is, perhaps, the basis for all motivated behavior. It is the self-concept that gives rise to possible selves, and it is possible selves that create the motivation for behavior”.

Evaluating “others images” (DeVito, 2009), or the infuse that those closes to us have on our self-concept, might help us realize that we place far too much importance on what other people think of us.  In the film, Whale Rider, Paikea is desperate to be accepted by her grandfather who does not treat her equally.  He is very firm with her and relentless, careful to never show too much affection.  From her grandfather’s behavior toward her, Paikea could have developed a self-concept based on failure and given in to his criticisms.  However, she was determined to maintain her self-worth and persist in changing his image of her.

“Social comparisons” (DeVito, 2009), play into our nature, it’s the process of determining our own effectiveness and competence by comparing ourselves to others.  In Paikea’s case, she had several male peers that were given greater value by her grandfather because of their gender.  There are instances where she strives to out perform her peers, one for example, is her diligence is striving to learn the skills her grandfather was teaching the boys in their private school on her own.  Excluded because of her gender, Paikea proved her abilities as she continually compared her skills to those processed by the boys.

Every culture has different values, beliefs and attitudes.  The “cultural teachings” (DeVito, 2009) we each experience helps define who we are.  Culture is taught and learned, it is not genetic and it can change from generation to generation.  As in the film Whale Rider, for decade’s cultural beliefs taught that only males could lead the village.  Against this ancient belief, Paikea fought for her chosen place as Chief.  She could have assumed, based on the cultural teachings, that it was impassable and that she was not good enough purely because of her gender, but she held high expectations for herself.  She did not let the “cultural teachings” determine her self-concept.

It can be easy to evaluate ourselves and discredit ourselves based on our behaviors and the way we react to the things we do.  “Self-evaluation” (DeVito, 2009) can help us to improve or change our self-concept, ultimately improving our self-worth.  Adam Jones said, “[we are our] own worst critic[s]”.  From the criticisms, rejection, and cultural traditions it could have been easy for Paikea to evaluate herself as incapable and as a result she never would have fulfilled her role as Chief.  However, her belief and self-worth had a strong impact on her determination to be who she knew she was.

In any culture nonverbal messages play a major part in everyday communications.  Nonverbal communication comes in eight different channels: “(1) body communication, (2) facial communication, (3) eye communication, (4) touch communication, (5) paralanguage and silence, (6) spatial messages, (7) artifactual communication, and (8) temporal communication” (DeVito, 2009). Within each culture the concept of display rules is related to emotion regulation (Marsh et al., 2003), which can be defined as the ability to control, manage, and modify one’s emotional experiences and expressions. When watching the film, Whale Rider, I noticed that two of these nonverbal communication channels, facial communication and silence, there were very important to the Maori culture.

In interpersonal interaction, facial expressions communicate your emotions.  In the film, the grandfather’s facial expressions were limited to anger, seriousness, and dissatisfaction throughout the film.  As the leader of this Maori village it was important that he remain in control and that the villagers respected him.  Koro, the grandfather, developed “facial management techniques” (DeVito, 2009) that made it possible for him to hide certain emotions and display the emotions he wanted to express.  The traditional dances of the Maori people also use facial expressions to convey their messages and to inflict their enemies with fear.  It is our cultures that dictate which displays are acceptable and in which situations they are acceptable (Marsh et al., 2003).

Considered a powerful form of nonverbal communication, silence, can communicate as intensely as any verbal message (DeVito, 2009).  The silence used by Paikea’s grandfather had an extreme impact on their communication.  Because silence does not always communicate the message one might be intending, it is easy to misread the message when someone is communicating through silence.  Sience can be used as a weapon, giving someone the “silent treatment”, it can be a response to personal anxieties, and it could mean there is nothing to say.  Koro was the “strong silent type”, he used his silence as a form of communication that effected his relationship with Paikea; however, it was a respected and accepted form of communication in their village.  It is important to remember, when evaluating other cultures, that, “[s]ilence in interpersonal interactions means different things to different people; also, it means different things during formal and informal occasions” (Singh et al., 1998).

Every culture, every individual and every relationship uses the same concepts in their interpersonal communications, but because there are so many distinctive aspects and differences throughout these widely used concepts, they could have different meanings, uses and interpretations.  As can be seen in the film, Whale Rider, culture as a significant impact on many of these concepts which we all use everyday in our relationships.  The use of self-concept in the film should encourage us to not allow the thoughts, beliefs and opinions of others determine who we are, but that we should determine who we want to be and become that person no matter our cultural traditions.  There is also a lot to be learned about how we communicate and its actual effectiveness.  The forms of nonverbal messages we use do not always relay the message we intend them to, which can cause communication breakdowns and misunderstandings.  In order for each person to become a better communicator, it is important that they first understand the channels of communication they use and second, they should evaluate the effectiveness of those channels to determine the advantages and disadvantages they may have.

References

DeVito, Joseph A. (2009). The Interpersonal Communication Book.  Perception of the Self in Interpersonal Communication (pp. 55-57).  Boston:  Allyn & Bacon.

DeVito, Joseph A. (2009). The Interpersonal Communication Book.  Nonverbal Messages (pp. 129-144).  Boston:  Allyn & Bacon.

Franken, R. (1994). Human motivation (3rd ed.). Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole Publishing Co.

Marsh, Abigail A.  (2003).  Nonverbal accents: cultural differences in facial expressions of emotions.  Psychological Science 14.4.  Retrieved from Academic OneFile.

Singh, N.N; McKay, J.D; Singh, A.N. (1998).  Culture and Mental Health:  Nonverbal Communication.  Journal of Child and Family Studies 7(4): 403-409.

Whale Rider.  Dir. Niki Caro.  Screenplay by, Niki Caro.  2003.  DVD.

My most popular articles on this blog has been the article I wrote over 3 years ago titled Compartmentalization. Which is why I am writing this article, kinda as a recall, or update and potentially a start to the publication of my report. But that is going to be up to you the reader.

If you don’t have time to read the whole article now, drop down to the part written in red, starts off warning…Laddies you will get a kick out of this.

If you are interested in the full report after reading this sample, leave a comment and I will work on publishing this report as soon as possible. And if you leave your email address with your comment I will personal email you a copy.

In the report I wrote the following to show how compartmentalization plays a role in relationships and the effects that it can have.

_____________________________________________________________
Ladies, something’s you need to know about guys;

The first thing you have to understand is that guys are different. They have a different code of behavior in relationships that they are not even completely aware of. You have to forget about trying to change us guys and focus on understanding why we do the things we do. I am sure that there have been a time or two that the guy in your life has baffled you by something’s that he has done. This has probably caused you to spaz out a little thinking that the relationship is in trouble so you go into repair mode. Here are a few things you should know about us guys;

On average a guy speaks 2,000 to 4,000 words a day and a woman will speak 6,000 to 8,000.

A Guys brain is more mechanical functioning, as a girls brain is more emotive functioning. On average guys use half the brain space that females do for verbal-emotive functioning.

Guys brains operate on less blood flow then girls, but they are also structured to compartmentalize learning. This is also known as lateralized brain activity.

The male brain is also set to renew, recharge, and reorient itself by entering what neurologist call a ‘rest state’. Females tend to recharge without a rest state.

So what does this mean? Well for one that guys talk a lot less then girls do! For the most part guys try to keep things simple, and focus on one thing at a time. Being more mechanical functioning they prefer to address a problem and solve it. Guys want solutions; they like to fix problems not just talk about them. They are prone to analyze and explore the way something works. There is a drive to construct something once they have figured out how it works. Guys operate with this type of mechanical process with various things such as, a vehicle, computer, math equation, a house and even a relationship. They focus more on the end result, being task oriented. The emotive functions of a guy or their emotional expressions sometimes seem to be nonexistent. Guys will struggle both physically and verbally to express their emotions. With this natural lateralized brain activity, guys are likely to let their brains compartmentalize things automatically. That’s everything from life, to thoughts, to emotions. Yes girls that even means your relationship. What about this ‘rest state’ , well have you ever noticed that when guys get home from work or a long day out, then tend to sit down in front of the TV and don’t respond to you when you ask them a question? Their not ignoring you, their brain is just trying to recharge. The brain needs a mindless activity like sleep or watching TV to be able to focus on recharging itself. Don’t always take it personal!

I am willing to bet that some of you women reading this have been in a long relationship at one time, and might even be in one now. I am sure that within the last month you said to yourself or to your girlfriend, “I wish that he would go the extra mile like he did when we first started dating”. Or even, “I wish that he would take me out on another one of those really fun dates that we use to go on all the time.” Ladies guys are going to pull out all the stops at the beginning of the relationship in order to win you over, but once he is certain that you are smitten he will stop going that extra mile. Guys think one side most of the time, and he’ll assume that because he has won you over, he doesn’t need to go the extra mile anymore. It’s not necessary because he got what he wanted, but the down side to this thought is that he assumes that because he doesn’t need them any more neither do you. Unfortunately, this leaves you feeling insecure and you probably think that the romance is starting to die. Now he is not going to quite doing things for you all together, but guys are more likely to resort to the simple day to day actions rather then the sweeping romantic gestures. Don’t take it personal!

Guys do not like relationship drama at all. They are going to let little things build, and build, and build without saying anything because they don’t want to deal with the drama. If you’re unsure about how he feels about a certain thing that happened this is why. There is a huge side effect to this emotional bandage guys try to use to avoid the drama. The warning is to you girls, stand back because there will come a point that the bandage just won’t stick anymore and he is going to express all of his frustration at one time, and be ready for him to try to end the relationship. I don’t know of any other five letter word that will turn a guy off faster then this one ‘DRAMA’. Take it personal!

Don’t ask a guy a question that you don’t want the honest answer too. For example, “Do these pants make my butt look big?” or “Do you like my new heir style?”. Guys are going to be more direct and blunt when giving feed back. If your butt looks big in those pants then he will say yes, and if he doesn’t like your new heir style then he will say that he liked it the other way. Guys figure that if you are asking them, then you want to know what they think, when really you just want them to confirm or reassure you that what you think is true or false. No your butts not big, and yes the new heir style looks good! Don’t take it personal!

Guys don’t like to talk on the phone for long periods of time, keep it short. Don’t take it personal!

Guys rarely ask questions and when they do ask questions it is to gather information. The flip side to this is that girls ask questions primarily to cultivate a relationship. Take it personal!

One last thing! Guys experience love at first sight more easily then women. Interesting? I thought so!

I think that guys need to have a warning label stuck to them somewhere, and it would read like this…

WARNING: READ THIS WARNING BEFORE BEGINNING RELATIONSHIP!
This product contains many defects that need understanding and time. Emotional compartmentalizing, lack of the ability to express how I feel about you and a need to be task oriented. If you ask me questions expect that I will tell you what I really think. I speak at least 4,000 words a day less then you so don’t think that I am ignoring you. My brain is not as advanced as yours so please give me some time to recharge. When something bothers me I will likely hid it inside until I run out of room to store my frustrations. As our relationship progresses I am likely to reduce the amount of time and money I spend on you. If you try to discuss your emotions with me then I am liable to shut down and try to end things.
Side effects to these contents may be the following; frustration, heart ach, tiredness, feelings of rejection, emotional distress, shortened relationship, hurt feelings, confusion, lack of interest, and disappointment.

_____________________________________________________________
Gentleman, something’s you need to know about girls;

Girls are different from us. They are more complex and even more sensitive. Girls have about three different categories, there are those typical girls that deal with things pretty much the same way (majority), there are those that act more like guys when it comes to compartmentalizing (very few) and then there are those girls that are extremely complex (the rest). I have probably dated all three different types. I like a challenge and although the extremely complex girl is definitely a challenge, and I am sure that I could handle a girl like these better then most guys, I would still be more inclined to steer clear. I seem to get a long quite well with those girls that tend to deal with relationships as guys would and it is more because it’s like hanging out with the guys. The typical girl on the other hand is probably the ideal girl for me. Not to simple, but not to complex still a challenge because lets face it guys it will always be a challenge for us to understand women.

Here are something’s you should know about girls;

They have stronger neural connectors in their temporal lobes than guys have. These connectors lead to more sensually detailed memory storage, better listening skills, and better discrimination among the various tones of voice.

Girls generally use more cortical areas of their brains for verbal and emotive functioning.

The hippocampus (another memory storage area in the brain) is larger in girls increasing learning advantage, especially in the language arts.

Girls tend to make fewer impulsive decisions than guys do.

So what does all this mean? Plain and simple for you guys, it means that girls are much brighter and use more of their brains functionality then we do. Essential girls are going to not only remember things, but they are going to remember the details as well. You ever wonder why when you get in a fight with a girl she brings up things from 2 months ago that you have completely forgotten about, this is why. She rarely forgets, and she will always remind you. Not only do they listen better, but they are will on average be better learners as well. Girls are overly emotional, and verbal about their feelings. Now guys when tend to see something in a store and say hey I want that, so we buy it. Girls on the other hand prefer to weigh it out before they decide to buy something. They will ask questions like, do I have the money, can I afford it, do I really need this, how often will I use this, and do I really need it? Yes, this even means that in a relationship they are going to be less impulsive. Girls are always going to weigh the pros and cons of a relationship before moving forward. Guys don’t always take it personal!

When women bring up issues in a relationship, they bring up everything that is related, even if something happened 2 months ago. Girls don’t only bring these old things up, but they know the details as if it happened yesterday. Guys for the most part, have erased this from their memory because they thought it was solved and over with. Guys this is were we make the mistake and take this personal, because we find this very overwhelming and view it as an attack on our character. Don’t take it personal!

For women emotions run on a continuum. Their emotions from a bad day at work, their emotions from an argument with a friend, and their emotions from a bad date, all contribute to one horrible day. They more then likely carried those emotions from the bad day at work into the argument with a friend, which then added to the emotional build up. Then when they went on the date this emotional build up was probably a big part of the date being unsuccessful. If I could draw this emotional continuum, I think it would look something like this;
_______________._________________.__________________
Bad Day at Work Argument w/ Friend Bad Date

A typical guy’s emotional diagram would look something like this;
[________________] [________________] [________________]
Bad Day at Work Argument w/ Friend Bad Date

You see the girl’s emotional diagram is not separated, the dots only represent the beginning of a new situation. The guy’s diagram shows a complete separation in every situation.
I said that girls are overly emotional and the problem we keep bumping into is that guys don’t really know how to deal with emotions. So when girls are going through one of these continuum’s we have to realize that there is a lot more to it then the simple fact that we forgot to kiss them when they walked in the door. Don’t always take it personal!

Guys pay attention here. Women are sensitive to perceived personal criticism. What does this mean? Well to be honest I had to look into this one myself, but it is interesting. The word perceived means; to regard as being such, to become aware of through the senses. Guys tend to be very blunt and forward about the feed back they give. So when you are eating dinner and it really is not that good, but she asked you how is it, guys are going to do one of two things. 1. Lie and say that it is great, but they are just not that hungry, or 2. Say that it could use a little help. They might even make a suggestion or two. Guys here is what most girls tend to do, they look at this criticism from the second scenario as meaning that they are horrible cooks. Girls will then criticize themselves, and this criticism will make them self conscious about cooking again. They will be harsher on themselves then you would have been. Be careful when giving feed back. Sometimes it will seem that telling the lie will make it easier because you will avoid the risk of hurting her feelings, but chose to be honest, sensitive, but honest. Don’t take it personal! Girls will take it personal!

Have you ever notices that girls tend to always play that game 20 questions? They start to question you about everything. What do we do as a result? Guys if you deny that you get defensive and sometimes irritated by this then you are lying to yourself. This is completely normal for girls. They ask a lot of questions to, a. gather information and b. to cultivate a relationship. Option B is their main focus for the game of 20 questions. I am sure that you have notices that girls will often ask questions that they already know the answer too. For example, I have traveled a lot in the last year and every time that I return from a trip a friend of mine will always ask the question, “So you’re back from your trip?” She already knows that I am home, but to strengthen the relationship she shows a sincere interest by asking a question to what she already knows. Don’t take it personal!

Women are natural nurturers, they have a naturally desire to maintain harmony. An example of this would be, and I am sure that you have heard this before, they ask you to do something and at the end of the question they will say “if you don’t mind”, or “if it’s not to much trouble”. Women are also much more tactful and sensitive then guys. Their criticism is not going to be blunt and forward. They are going to find a way to tell you with out just coming out and telling you. It might seem that they are smothering you, and they might very well be, but this is a result of being a natural nurturer.

One last thing, girls cry a lot! The main reason why anyone cries, weather they are male or female is because crying is a built in emotional release valve. I think that we just concluded that women are more sensitive and more emotional then men so there is going to be a greater need to release. Crying is not a bad thing and it definitely is not a sign of weakness. Don’t be afraid to cry, and never take it personal!

What do you think? I want to hear from you? Man, Woman, anyone what are your thoughts on the subject? You know that you are going to get to read my thoughts, but yours are important to me so lets hear it….(use the comments bellow to share your thoughts)

Here’s what I know, ok so it’s not a lot, but here you go.

- Women need to be touched, they need to feel a mans love and they need to be told that they are loved, appreciated and beautiful. If a girl tells you she doesn’t need these things, that they aren’t important, shes lying, and she might be doing it to save a relationship that really isn’t worth saving, and she is lying to her self.

- Men (most men) have a hard time expressing their emotions and affections. Afraid that they will look wimpy, or they might just be afraid that their show of affection will smother the girl and push her away. Then it might be the fear of commitment that 85% of men suffer from, they think giving a woman what she needs will put thoughts in her head of, white dresses, big cakes and a lot of family in one room.

So I thought that these 10 tips might be helpful for some…

 Romance for Dummies

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 Being with people who understand you…priceless